Computers Read Books

Disclaimer: this was written on simplewriter, which only allows the user to type from the 10,000 most-used words. I'm no Randall Munroe, and I wrote this in 10 minutes, but I still think I did a pretty good job. I might try my hand at more of these and see if I get any more creative with my word choice, because it could definitely use some work.

Computers are really hard to use well. The problem with using computers well is that computers don't always know what you mean. The best way to get computers to do what you want them to do is if you know how computers work.

One thing that can help is knowing that there is a language that computers speak. This language is made up of lots of the numbers 1 and 0. All computers can speak at least one language. Most of the computers that we put on our legs and carry around all the time speak the same language. This is the same language that the computers on our desks speak, too. Hand computers speak a different language from the other ones, but it doesn't really matter. A long time ago people figured out that they could tell computers how to speak the same language, using only the language that each computer knew how to speak, and that was really cool! This meant that computers could speak any language that people wanted, and if a new computer was made with its own special language, it would be possible to teach that computer how to speak the language that everybody else spoke.

People write lots of things in computer languages. One of the most important things that a person can write for a computer is the head of the computer. The head of the computer controls everything that goes on. When a person pushes one of the letter boxes, it's the head's job to tell the important thing that's running that somebody pressed something. The head of the computer lets everything that's running on the computer run together, and run without hitting each other. It makes everybody share and play nice.

One of the most important things the head of the computer does is change jobs. Things that run in the computer are all written in computer language. You could say that the things that run in the computer are big books of computer language. The problem is, a computer can only read so many books at a time. A long time ago, most computers could only read one book at once. But today, we do so much stuff on our computers that some people with big brains decided that computers should be able to read many books at once. Some of the biggest computers can read hundreds of hundreds of hundreds of books at once! The thing is, though, most people's computers can only read 2 to 4 computer books at the same time. So what the big brain people did was make the computers read one book for a little bit, close the book, open a different book, and then read that one for a little bit, close the book, and keep going forever, making sure that all of the books are being read. If the computer can read four books at once, then its four book readers are still each reading little bits of books at a time. If the computer stops reading any books, then it stops understanding computer language, and then things stop running on the computer and the person using the computer gets angry.

Computer people spend lots of time trying to figure out how to make computers read as fast as possible, because they know that people don't like it when computers are slow. They change so many things, like how long each book reader should read a computer book for, or when a book reader should stop reading one book and move on to another, because the things going on in the other book were getting boring. When your computer stops running, you should know that hundreds of people have worked for hours and hours to make your computer read books really fast, and that even though it's making you angry right now, it would have been a lot slower without them.

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